Day 1 down 34 to go

Emotional, emotional, emotional. That word pretty much sums up my day. Now take into account I haven't slept in 2 days and the whole leaving family and friends for 5 weeks and maybe it's understandable but still it's never been this hard. I cried the whole day, pretty much until we touched down in Guatemala. And then something amazing happened, I found peace. Or at least something of the sort. It's amazing what this country and these people do for my heart and soul.

So the immersion was easier than expected but then agian it always is. So quickly I fell into a sort of groove throughout the day, the speaking Spanish, the crazy driving, heck even the horrible luggage extravaganza they call an airport. It all comes so naturally. The only thing that would make it perfect would be if the people I miss so dearly were here with me. My only prayer is as the days go on, the seperation becomes easier. Pray for that. I've never struggled like I am but then agian circumstances are a bit different this time around. But I know I'll be ok, I'm here doing God's work and I know he will take care of each and every little thing I am worried about.

But that leads me to want to talk about something that has been wieghing on me today and I feel the need to share. This morning when I was in the ATL. airport and was crying my eyes out I was searching for comfort in my Mom through text messages. I told her that I felt like my heart was breaking, she corrected me in saying that my heart was not breaking, it was yearning. Breaking happens when someone hurts you, yearning is the opposite. It's the simple desire for wanting someone/something that you love to be there with you. At first I didn't agree and it kind of made me angry. Because in my mind, it was breaking. There were tears and sobbing and a runny nose involved. It felt like the life was being sucked out of me. And I kept this frame of mind until we were on the bus on our way to ChiChi, then it hits me. She was right. The longing in my heart was so strong that it indeed caused the same reactions as a so called "broken heart". Well that got me thinking, what other times in my life have I assumed I was being torn to pieces when it actuality I just never stopped to think of WHY I felt that certain way. Now there def have been times where I believe my heart has been broken, I've been betrayed, people have misused me, and things have been unfairly taken from me. But at the same time there have been times when I was simply wanting something so bad that I ended up in the same situation I was today. So broken or yearning? That has been invading my mind all day and in some twisted way, I think I finally get it. Thanks Mom.

Anyways, I didn't mean to get on a soapbox about it, I just felt the need to share my feelings on that for the day. So I'm officially unpacked, the lights are off and I'm chatting with Matt and Nick is gonna skype me later so I suppose all is as right in the world as it ever will be for the moment. Tomorrow is church and market, stress shopping anyone?

Daily Shout Outs

• Matt- I'm talking to you right now and I just want to thank you for being the best boyfriend and the best friend in the world. You always are so supportive of me and my dreams. I know this isn't easy and these next 5 weeks will be long but I love you and I know you'll be right there waiting where I left you with open arms. That gives me strength, I hope you know that. "I was born to love you and so I am torn to do what I have to." I love you baby.
• Mom- Thanks for the comforting words and wisdom. I wish you were here with me. I neeed you more than you  know and seeing you on skype tonight made me feel a million times better. I love you more than you know.
• Dad- Wearing your necklace is more comfoting than I thought to be honest. I found myself so many times today touching it ad holdign it in my hands. It makes me feel close to you and to Mom too. Thanks for loaning for a while. Love you Daddy.

So night ya'll! Thanks for reading!