6 days left.

To be honest, I struggle with how to start this. I have had so much going through my head and heart today that when I sit here and try to get it out, I have no idea where to begin...The past couple of days have been rough, in more ways than one. I can't says it's been one particular thing or mutiple. The reality of leaving is hitting me and the reality of what I'm going home to is also sinking in.

Change is occuring all around me, all the time. And that won't get any easier in the coming month.  I'd like to think I handle it well, when in essence I know I don't, at all. The truth is change scares me, I'm a control freak and I know when I get home things will start happening that are well beyond my control. And the fact that I can't do anything about it makes me want to run so far in the opposite direction. People I love are gonna leave, I will stay, and life will go on. I know this, in my head, but my heart still wants so badly to hold on to everything I have just the way it is.

Not to mention this year will probably one of the hardest years of my life. Life changing decisions will be made, I will have to say goodbye to people I love, and I will be expected to do it all with a smile on my face. If I can confide in ya'll about something, my faith that everything will be ok...well it's dwindling. I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it's there, I just wish God would send me a sneak peak.

So my prayer request from ya'll is this: I need guidance, I need rassurance, I need comfort. So please think of me when ya'll are bowin your heads at night.

I have 6 days left. No more church days and 1 more market day. Am I ready to come home? Yes and no. I miss my family, friends, and my boyfriend more than anything but I know the second I leave here that hole in my heart will once again be empty.

I'm sorry the past few days have been bland. I am constantly reminded of it. So again, I am sorry. I'll try to do better in my last remaining days.

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”